Healing from emotional abuse can be the most devastating life experience. When the toxic relationship is over, we are left in total despair. We need answers. That is precisely what we never receive from the person that abused us. Instead, most of us have no inclination what just happened. Emotional abuse is something not quite understood in society, it's hard to see or measure. The negative connotations associated, keeps victims quiet and left to find answers on their own. This is the problem, this information is not available. At least not in Schools, Universities or Psychology texts.
Normal feelings of being alone, misunderstood and afraid after toxic relationships are not known to the victim. They have no idea the extreme feelings of doom are normal and they're not alone, in fact, many people are suffering and have healed from this.
I was in a relationship with someone that had a Personality Disorder that most definitely fell in the Cluster b category explained in the DSM-5. I had no idea what happened when it so abruptly ended. I was so lost and couldn't help feel the problem was with me and not her. She moved on immediately with my best friend. They seemed so happy together, without a care in the world. I looked for help and booked an appointment with a Licensed, Professional Therapist for about a little less than two hundred dollars an hour. In the first session, she listened to me talk about the reason I paid her, to help me feel better after my relationship. The second session, as I began to tell how my relationship ended, she assumed her role as the quiet listener. This relationship ended horribly. The hurt was undeniable and I needed some answers. Instead, my Therapist that had now listened for almost two hours for a week now, had an unusual reaction to my story. A tear formed in her left eye, as she immediately moved her hand to catch it from falling, the droplet of water rolled down her cheek, exposing her own fear of inadequacy. She followed her vulnerability with "I am so sorry David, but I have to recommend you to someone else. I believe a Psychiatrist would be beneficial for you". Psychiatry? I need drugs? What about answers?
I never did see a Psychiatrist or took their drugs. I am glad I didn't. I did not need them. I needed to know what the hell was going on inside my head, not damage it more, with powerful narcotics. Now what? My Therapist, who had her degree in Psychology, access to any and all available information, had been treating many people for years who must have felt like myself, could not tell me anything... it must be me. Her not having the capabilities to help me when I was at my last effort to find help, only allowed me to repeat the very same thing that almost killed me. I did it again.
Four years later, I fell in love with a Covert Narcissist. Ten years after meeting her, the relationship ended and this time I was worse, really worse. I knew therapy couldn't help so I self medicated. I began to drink a lot. Narcissists do something to their victims that ensures no outside interference when abusing you, they isolate you. They separate you from everyone you know, family, friends, coworkers...
When the relationship is over, you have nobody to turn to and nothing can help. If you do decide to take on a Therapist, be prepared for misery. Not comfort, complete misery. Therapists can only treat what's in front of them and that is you. You are the problem and you need to be fixed. This causes much more damage to the patient before they even walked in the door. Victims must know that this is not their fault and what they are feeling is a complete normal reaction to emotional abuse at the hands of someone that is disordered.
I went four more years before finally discovering what had been happening to me for the last 20 years of my life. Much of this could have been avoided if the Therapist had any knowledge on this subject matter at all, better yet, a personal experience with a disordered person herself. I stumbled upon narcissism videos on the internet. Finally, answers. Finally, peace. I am not alone and this is not my fault.
Needless to say, I healed a year later. I am happy and in love... at the same time!